There is a scientific theory called the law of averages, which says that any given situation will be the average of all outcomes. Snooze fest, I know. But Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker, took this scientific theory and applied it to us, humans, and that makes this scientific jargon pretty darn interesting. Rohn theorizes that each of us are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with. Think about that for a moment, and picture who those five people are for you. It’s pretty likely that you’ll see a lot of yourself in each of them.
So how is this information useful?
we can build upon who we are today, just by being intentional about who we surround ourselves with
This thought means that we can build upon who we are today, just by being intentional about who we surround ourselves with. We usually spend time with people that we like, and most of us like people who are very similar to ourselves. These relationships are comfortable. But they keep us exactly where we are. My hope for my readers is that you can look inside yourself and see places for improvement, because I truly believe that personal growth is the key to happiness in life. The areas in which you are lacking, areas of opportunity if you will, can develop simply by surrounding yourself with someone who has mastered the desired quality. To think about it a bit more simply, we learn from our friends.
We’ve taught this concept to our children, knowing the concerns we have about our kids falling into the “wrong” crowd, but have we thought about this for ourselves? For adults, the “wrong” crowd means something different. The “wrong” crowd for us can be something as harmless as the complainer, the pessimist, the fearful, the uninspired. The people we truly invest in should be the people who can show us the bright side in this life, those who can put a smile on our face when we can’t seem to muster it on our own, the ones that push us a bit beyond our own limits and inspire us to be our very best self.
The “wrong” crowd for us can be something as harmless as the complainer, the pessimist, the fearful, the uninspired
I made a conscious decision some time ago to be intentional about my friendships, and the results have been incredible. And here’s the thing, I totally have lifelong friends that I ran around in diapers with, and they feed my soul in a different way with memories, laughter, a special kind of sisterhood. But for those relationships I foster as an adult, I’m not afraid to say I am choosy, and you should be too.
Here are three examples of ways that my selected She-Tribe have rocked my world in the past few years:
- I had an insane idea to take a road trip up Highway 1 in California from Los Angeles to San Francisco, and I had not only one of these fabulous, brave, adventurous females sign on, but THREE. Three devoted wives and mothers that saw an opportunity to have an adventure and grow personally, and thought it worth their while to spend their precious life moments with me. Wow. Without those ladies, I would have never made that trip, made those memories, or lived an adventurous dream of mine….I’m forever thankful.
- I have had some personal and professional struggles over the past few months. Without asking or even communicating what I needed, these women have sent emails, cards, and even small gifts of encouragement, love and understanding. And even more importantly, they have asked, “How can I help you succeed?” Every single one of us should be so lucky to have these people in our lives.
- I have been inspired by their accomplishments. I see what they do in their daily lives, and I am blown away by their strength, determination and boldness. Those qualities that I admire make up the woman I aspire to be, and how I want my husband, daughters and son to see me. These ladies make me want to be better, my best self.
This is not a science (although I started you off with some scientific theory…sorry about that!). It is truly simple. There are people you admire in life. Ask them to lunch. Say hello. Cut the small talk and have a real conversation with them. You will be surprised at how open people truly are. You don’t need to sit down and say in the most un-creepy way, “Hey, I admire you and want to be friends”….although this is something I would probably do….sorry to anyone I’ve creeped out in the past, or will creep out in the future. It’s as simple as beginning a conversation, and allowing things to progress from there. You won’t become best friends with everyone you would like to learn from, but you can certainly develop enough of a relationship to soak in some of what makes them so awesome.
Here are a few simple ground rules for me for my She-Tribe:
- She has to be a “she”. I have nothing against men. In fact, some of the professionals that I look up to most in this world are men. However old fashioned as this may sound, I will always keep my relationships with men professional, while I’ll allow my relationships with women to grow deeper. I don’t want to form a significant emotional bond with any man who is not my husband. As a married woman, I see that as inappropriate, and my husband has the same respect for me. It works for us.
- She has to be totally rocking something…her health, her mommy-ness, her positivity, her professionalism, her personal-style, her intelligence, her motivation. Women who rock their lives are confident, happy, and willing to invest in friendship in the same way that I am. It’s a winning combination.
- The relationship must be reciprocal. I’ve had friendships in the past where I thought the other person was great for one reason or the other, but I found myself constantly giving, constantly reaching out, constantly trying, without feeling like I was receiving the same in return. This one’s simple. Life is draining enough. Friendships should not be draining.
- She doesn’t need fixed. I used to feel a drive to connect to people I could help, and not in a personal development kind of way, but in a struggling to find themselves kind of way. I’ve learned that I cannot fix anyone, and shouldn’t. We are each on our own path, and my way isn’t the right way for you, or her, or him, or anyone else. Anytime I disrupt someone’s natural path, I am keeping from them from their personal journey. Fixer just isn’t my place anymore, and it truly never was.
That’s it. That’s all there is. I hope you’ll take the time to be intentional in your life. You deserve it. You deserve to be surrounded with those who love life, who wish to grow and develop every single day, who rock life, who spend their time in an attitude of gratitude. You deserve that, and I encourage you to create it if you haven’t already. And if you have, kudos. Keep on keepin’ on! Please share your tips in the comments of this blog/post so other readers can learn from you too.
Make it a great moment, a great day, a great week and a fantastic life!